Trauma Recovery

I mentioned, yesterday, about assembling your fan club – and it really is easier than it sounds.

Now that you’ve denuded your home and work space of all the things that remind you of your detractors – the people who don’t support you, take a look at what you’re surrounded by.

The people who have gifted you the things that you can see, and the people you can see in the photographs that surround you – they are the people that make up your fan club. They are the people who are allowed a seat at your table, they are the people who deserve your time, and your efforts. These are the relationships that deserve nurturing – rather than you chasing after people who don’t deserve your time, your attention, or your affection.

What I would suggest is combing through messages you’ve received from people and printing them off. Put them in a file and read through them on days when you’re having a wobble. The ones that really make you glow deserve to be written, or printed out, and put up where you can see them regularly.

Now, I accept that this may feel uncomfortable for you – especially if you were raised by a narcissist – it may feel as if you’re being really arrogant and big-headed, but valuing yourself, and reflecting on how other people value you, is not being conceited. It’s being realistic. It’s being honest. It’s being authentic.

Of course, you are allowed to grow your fanbase, and with social media channels, that’s easier than it’s ever been before. The first step, I think, is to cull your socials. Unfollow, mute, or block people who have been deliberately nasty to you, people whose comments make you feel ‘icky’ – and I don’t just mean people who don’t agree with you all the time, but people who are unkind, unpleasant, or just nasty to others. You don’t need to pollute yourself with other people’s verbal sewage.

Once you’ve done that, look at who your connections are connected to, and connect with them, too. Engage with them, and grow your circle of lovely people that way. And for people who contend that ‘online friends’ aren’t real friends, can I just make the point that online is real – and that everybody behind a real (as opposed to a ‘bot’) profile on a social media site is a real person – just like you.

Take your time doing this exercise, it doesn’t need to be rushed, and don’t worry – you can refine your list of online connections as often as you like, and there’s no reason you can’t meet online friends in person (observing all obvious safety suggestions when meeting for the first time, of course) if you want to.

You’ll have an expanded fan base in no time! 😊