What Does A Rapist Look Like?

Monster is one of the words that is often used to describe men who are guilty of sexual violence. The problem, though, is that they are not monsters. You cannot tell, merely by looking at someone, that he is a rapist, or child abuser. There is no ‘look’ that they share – if there were, everyone would be able to spot, and avoid, them. The difficult thing for so many people to accept is that they work with, share social spaces with, live with, sleep with, and have children with, these males.

If you want to know what a rapist looks like – ask their victims. We’ll tell you. In return, though, you need to listen. You must be prepared to accept uncomfortable truths; to reject your pre-conceived notions; to have the humility to accept that you have been wrong, that you have been duped. It’s really not your fault – you have been abused by them, too. They have abused your trust, your kindness, your willingness to accept that they are who they say they are. It’s not your fault that you believed their lies. These men are excellent manipulators.

Once you do know, however, you must be prepared to reject their further lies; you must be careful not to make excuses for them, you must be careful not to victim blame. Their victims have been through enough, and by making excuses for abusers, you are making more victims.

Abusers do not stop abusing, rather they must be stopped and perpetuating the myths that men who abuse are a minority, and that men who abuse are monsters, won’t stop any of them. 

Here’s a picture of one of my rapists (Nigel Talbot)

Here’s a picture of another one of my rapists (Cormac Talbot)


For many reasons, I’ve been thinking a lot about grief recently. Well, when I say recently, I mean in the past few years. There are

Read More »